So what was my first major blow-it as a cancer patient?
I’d say it was me constantly “thinking the worst.”
During that first year after getting diagnosed, the 2012 “year of high anxiety” I call it, I was truly a wreck.
I’m not kidding: I was pissed…depressed…overwhelmed…deeply saddened…that list goes on. Emotions were on overload–and back then I didn’t really know much about cortisol, the stress hormone.
During that first post-diagnosis/anxiety year, my cortisol levels pretty much stayed elevated. Which is no good when you’re trying to heal from anything.
Of course getting a cancer diagnosis is seriously earth-shattering–it definitely was for me. It changes and can flat-out flip your world upside-down. Suddenly, all is just…different. Not what it was before.
And now that I’m fortunate to be able to look back, I can now see what one of my biggest screwups was: that I was ALWAYS focused on the worse-case scenario…ALWAYS.
My outlook was SOO dark…and it seemed that no matter what, I felt that nothing was going to work out.
I had that constant “gloom and doom” stuck in my head. I went through nonstop thinking about what COULD go wrong…instead of being grateful for what things (no matter how small) have gone RIGHT.
One, being that I was still ALIVE and BREATHING. And not everyone gets that chance, to keep living beyond a brain tumor explosion like I did.
You might be wondering…so exactly HOW did I manage to shift my thinking? How did I move myself towards being more grateful & seeing things in a better way? Here are a couple of things I did:
- I found & paid attention to others diagnosed with cancer…and realized that I wasn’t alone. I even reached out and talked to other patients about what they were dealing with and how they first found out. What weird, funny things they were feeling–and what pushed them to go in and get checked out. I asked them questions (if they didn’t mind) about their diagnosis and what they were currently going through. It’s how I slowly realized that I was actually blessed. And that other fellow patients who were diagnosed with cancer were going through their own individual challenges and difficult times.
- I LISTENED to what they had to say. It’s one thing to connect with other fellow cancer patients–but to actually LISTEN and try to understand their own outlook can really get us thinking. And can help us to better know and understand ourselves, and how we see own own situation.
Don’t get me wrong. Feeling pissed, depressed, overwhelmed, sad–to this day, I don’t really see that part as the screwup. Crying, releasing our frustrations, talking it out…I learned that it’s good for us to let our pain out, to air out our confusions. Those rough days we go through are normal.
But the screwup is this: if we let ourselves just stew in our own misery, day after day, week after week, feeling sorry for ourselves, thinking we’re the ONLY cancer patient on earth–it just makes things waay worse for us.
One thing I noticed: when I finally started moving down a brighter “glass half full” road, taking things day by day, and appreciating the days I’m still here after this diagnosis, it seemed to at least shine a better light on it all.
What do you think? Please comment below…I’d love to know!
